I think I’m fairly safe in declaring GUMS to be an original film. That doesn’t mean it’s good. But it is original. Of course, the concept “good” has no place discussing a vintage sex film that parodies jaws and features not only the perils of a nude mermaid, but also the overwrought rantings of a Nazi who plays Ahab to the mermaid’s Moby Dick. Or something like that. If the Nazi – played by cult celebrity Brother Theodore – running around raving things like “Don’t panic! And don’t piss your pants!” and underwater booby shots aren’t enough – and they probably should be – there’s the matter of the libidinous puppets. I am far from an expert on adult films though I’ve seen a few and among those have been some from the more obscure corners of the porno world, but I feel ENTIRELY safe in telling you, dear horndogs, that you’ve NEVER seen a grown-up naughty movie of this ilk before. To boot, it proves that the sex parody (guess which water terror movie GUMS was poking – ahem – fun at) has been around a LONG time – ahem again – at least as far back as 1976. At any rate, you can stop digging around online for hard-to-find torrents of this, er, classic. There’s even dog sex. And a boat called the S.S. Cunnilingus. You know what? Just watch the damn movie. You know you want to. Nothing I can say can capture the sheer WTF insanity of GUMS. Only watching it can do that for you. [Note: Personally, I don't think I'd run away - make that swim away - from this particular, um, threat. Not with tits like that. Not even with that creepy rip off music of that oh-so-famous tune playing ominously in the background. No. I wouldn't swim.]
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